Relationship Green Flags
Relationship Green Flags
Hey Shameless Squad! We've delved deep into the sea of red flags, but now it's time to set sail into the ocean of green flags—those glorious signs that love is flourishing like a well-tended garden. Relationship green flags are also an important subject to talk about. Oftentimes we may so easily point out problems in relationships, friendships, and with partners or a spouse, and it is also important to catch others in your life doing something good and sharing this with them. It’s not all about what they didn’t do, but what they did do that is important. Give that appreciation, an appropriate amount of validation that doesn’t lean into the unhealthy habit of reassurance-seeking, and share that unconditional positive regard for other people in your life. Not expecting validation from others 100% of the time is also a relationship green flag and accepting validation is too. A compliment a day goes a long way! Tell someone what you appreciate about them today. Let’s get into relationship green flags!
Relationship Green Flag #1: They communicate shamelessly in a healthy way, openly, and actively listen to your feelings
If your partner is fluent in the language of communication and actively listens to your feelings like an engaged TED Talk audience, you're hoisting a green flag. Healthy relationships thrive on open communication, mutual understanding, and the occasional applause for your emotional revelations.
Relationship Green Flag #2: Apologizes and takes responsibility for their actions
A partner who can apologize without making it a Herculean task? Green flag material right there. Taking responsibility is the key to a healthy relationship, and if they can admit when they're wrong, you're on the right track.
Relationship Green Flag #3: Respect your boundaries and value your autonomy
Green flags are waving high when your partner respects your boundaries and values your autonomy like a rare treasure. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, and if they're not treating your boundaries like mere suggestions, you've hit the jackpot.
Relationship Green Flag #4: Supports your goals and encourages your personal growth
If your partner is your biggest cheerleader, waving pom-poms for your goals and personal growth, you're swimming in a sea of green flags. Healthy relationships involve lifting each other, not holding each other back. If they're fostering your growth, they're a keeper.
Relationship Green Flag #5: Shares responsibilities and contributes to the partnership as equally as possible
Equality is the name of the game, and if your partner is a team player, you're looking at a field of green flags. Sharing responsibilities and contributing equally as possible to the partnership is the recipe for a successful and fulfilling relationship.
Relationship Green Flag #6: Trusts you and encourages your independence
A partner who trusts you and encourages your independence is an incredibly confident person and a huge green flag. This is because they value your freedom and trust your judgment. Healthy relationships thrive on trust, and if they're handing you the keys to your own kingdom, you've found a gem.
Relationship Green Flag #7: Celebrates your successes and supports you during challenges
In the garden of love, green flags are the flowers that bloom during success and adversity. If your partner is there to celebrate your victories and support you through challenges, you're in the midst of a green flag paradise. Healthy relationships involve being each other's biggest fans.
Relationship Green Flag #8: Values compromise and understands that disagreements are part of any relationship
Green flags are fluttering when your partner understands the art of compromise and embraces disagreements as a natural part of any relationship. Healthy connections involve finding a middle ground and navigating storms together. If they're not turning every disagreement into a battlefield, you've got a keeper. Don’t forget conflict is also a healthy and normal part of any relationship!
Relationship Green Flag #9: Encourages open communication and seeks to understand your perspective
If your partner is handing out open communication like its confetti and actively seeking to understand your perspective, you're in the presence of green flag royalty. Healthy relationships thrive on open dialogue and understanding. If they're not making your feelings a puzzle to solve, you're on the right path.
Relationship Green Flag #10: Doesn’t force you into having sex with them
Let me state the obvious as a sex therapist and intimacy coach, I felt like it was necessary. This is common in relationships, friends with benefits, fuck buddies, hookups, partners, spouses, etc. It is important to not feel sexually pressured, compared to other people, criticized, or shamed into having sex. If a person doesn’t do that, you’re solid and they’re probably staying shameless by respecting you and your sexual boundaries boo!
Friendship Green Flags
The previous blogs on relationship red flags and the relationship green flags above can also be applied to friendship green flags. Let’s take a moment to dive into friendship green flags a little more.
Friendship Green Flag #1: They celebrate your accomplishments and success
Your friends are genuinely happy, excited, and stoked when you win big in life. They don’t need, expect, or use you for anything, they genuinely show that they see you slaying all day with your accomplishments!
Friendship Green Flag #2: They share your successes with others and speak highly of you
They want to uplift anything you are doing, creating, and exploring in life. Friends that speak highly of you are keepers. They are the ones who are inspired by you, share what you are doing, and love to shamelessly plug and praise you to the world.
Friendship Green Flag #3: They aren’t in competition with you
Friends who don’t compete with you in work, relationships, community, connections, being the favorite, etc. are ones who are very healthy. Their mindset shows that they respect you, you are unique, and vice versa, this shows they will be supportive of you.
Friendship Green Flag #4: They keep connecting with you and reply to your messages
I get it, everyone is busy, and that is also an excuse. A lot of times people want to rationalize that behavior and if someone wants to prioritize you, they will boo! When friends take the time, energy, and effort to text you first, it is balanced, and they follow up, that is a great friendship green flag that we do need to cherish.
Friendship Green Flag #5: They will listen, be honest, and challenge you
Friends who are all fluff, sunshine, and rainbows, more than likely are fake. Friends who tell you what you need to hear, despite it being a challenge, are looking out for your best interest at heart. They can be honest with you and know that you are responsible for your reactions, responses, and emotions in those moments. You in turn don’t project, deflect, minimize, or put them back on that friend.
Friendship Green Flag #6: They admit when they are wrong, own up to their actions, and shamelessly apologize
Okay, so I know I’m talking about shameless communication skills and apologies a lot in my relationship red flags and friendship green flags blogs, and it is because they are important. A lot of times our pride or ego gets in the way when we are called out on our shit, know we’re in the wrong, and just need to be honest and say sorry for what we did wrong. A friend who will do that, and knows what to apologize for, is a keeper. A friend who actively chooses not to accept responsibility for their actions is a red flag in this relationship.
Conscious Relationships
Let’s take a minute to address conscious relationships and what this means. Conscious relationships mean being present, actively listening, and in the moment in relationships. It does not mean, fake listening to someone while you’re texting on your phone, multitasking, or doing something at the same time. If a person does not allow themselves to have a mindful awareness around whether or not they are having conscious conversations with you, that is a relationship red flag. Would you want to be working with a therapist in therapy who is eating, staring out the window, glancing around the room, or anything else short of active listening? No, so if you wouldn’t tolerate it from a therapist, don’t tolerate it from a friend, family member, coworker, colleague, coach, healer, helper, boss, or anyone else in your life. It’s a waste of time and you’ll thank me when you set and hold this boundary in your relationships and gain the gift of time back. This can also relate to time boundaries in relationships as well. For example, you meet a friend up for dinner, they’re running 10 minutes late. You actively choose to say okay I am ordering anyway because we agreed on 5 pm and you stick to your boundary of being home at 7:30 pm. Your friend says they’re running late, texts multiple times with updates, and then doesn’t get to the restaurant till 6:30 pm. You get done eating by 5:30 pm and decide whether or not to go home. Your friend made the conscious choice and effort to meet you at 5 pm. They’ve wasted your time, energy, and potentially money waiting around until 5:30 pm. You now have the conscious choice to leave or not, hold firm to the boundary you set, and walk out. That friend at the end of the day could be a relationship red flag because if they’re doing this with you, it may go to show this is happening in other areas of their life as well. They may not be consciously present in relationships and you may require them to do better. However many chances you decide to set and hold this boundary is up to you and it is also healthy to take friendship breaks too. If a friend isn’t present for you, don’t waste your time boo!
Green Flags Meaning
Just know that green flags like red flags, can also be mini and right in front of our face. We just need to slow down, be mindful, and take time to appreciate these moments in dating, in relationships, friendships, with partners, or spouses.
I hope this blog highlighted some things regarding relationship green flags and signs that you are dealing with healthy, shameless, authentic people out there!
Until next time, stay shameless and embrace your sexy self-care routine! Make sure you’re doing your Pleasurework friends!
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